Piranha 3D - Movie Review

*/5

Dave and I went to go see this with a friend of ours, in the hopes of an amusingly bad horror flick. That's what it looks like in the previews, doesn't it? There were some laughs, don't get me wring, they were just few and far between, and overshadowed by so much blood and guts I was occasionally nauseous. It takes quite a lot to bother me and make me turn my head from the screen, but I caught myself doing that a few times in this movie. I was warned about one scene, by Jocelyn and I will pass the warning along - do not look during the propeller scene. You'll know when you get to it, and you'll thank me.

The main character in this film, Jake, is played by Steven R. McQueen, the 22 year old grandson of the great Steve McQueen. Steven has yet to gain the acting talent of his grandfather, and hopefully he will do so soon, or I fear we will not see much of him. Jake is the son of the sheriff in town, played by Elisabeth Shue. The location is Lake Victoria, an apparently fictional hot-spot for college spring break madness. I have never heard of college students going to a lake for spring break, but maybe that's just me.

As it is spring break, and as Lake Victoria is a go-to place for drunken college kids, there are a lot of boobs. I repeat, A LOT of boobs. I think, it fact, there may be more boobs than piranhas. If all you want in a movie is full frontal, female nudity, and screaming 20-somethings being ripped to shreds by fish the size and shape of a football, then Piranha 3D is the movie for you. If, on the other hand, you are looking for some witty dialogue and a half interesting plot, you might want to save the $15.

As the title proudly proclaims, it is in 3D. It wasn't supposed to be, however. When the movie first went into production, it was, and then it wasn't, and then it was again. This back and forth is painfully obvious, as it clearly wasn't actually filmed in 3D. The screen is occasionally so dark you can't actually see anything, and there is a sequence at the beginning where I had to take the glasses off to uncross my eyes.

Now that I have soundly trashed the movie, I would like to list the few things I enjoyed about it. Elisabeth Shue was, as always, good. Jerry O'Connell was amusing as a truly lecherous porn director. The piranhas were pretty creepy looking. Richard Dreyfus, Christopher Lloyd and Ving Rhames were all in it, but had a collective 10 minutes of screen time, so I'm pretty sure this was a paycheck movie for them.

So, yea. Not my favorite. Not really that fun, and certainly not worth the insane price for a 3D movie ticket.

IMDb movie link