Saturday, October 23, 2010


Dreams are weird. Everyone knows that. The so-called "most common dreams" - falling, being chased, teeth falling out, being back at school, and spousal infidelity - are basic. I have had all of these elements in dreams countless times, but dreams, at least for me, are far more complicated than that.

A lot of people don't remember their dreams at all, and many people have very basic dreams. Dave can often remember only one part of a dream, if he remembers anything at all. I think it must have something to do with how deeply one sleeps - Dave is a fairly deep sleeper, and in the time it takes him to wake up, he has forgotten most of what he was dreaming about. I am an incredibly light sleeper - it takes me a long time to fall asleep in the first place, and after that anything can wake me up - and I usually remember my dreams in vivid detail.

Let's compare some dreams, so you can see what I mean.

A few nights ago, Dave dreamed that he played basketball with Darth Vader and lost (this makes sense, as Darth Vader would be considerably taller than Dave). Dave also frequently talks in his sleep, and his recount of the dream explained why he had been muttering, "Not another foul... not another foul..." earlier than night.

Dave is also known for waking violently from nightmares and scaring me half to death. The resultant "What is wrong with you?!" from has been answered with "A giant bug... landed on me...", "I thought they were butterflies, but they were wasps!" and, my personal favorite, "I dreamed I was a poop." That last one has been retold many times, much to Dave's chagrin, but it is still at the top of my list of funniest dreams ever. To go more in detail, he was a poop, and awoke as he hit the water in the toilet bowl. I have never heard of someone dreaming that they were an inanimate object before, but there is a first time for everything.

It is a very rare occasion when Dave remembers enough of a dream that it still has a clear storyline. He had one a few nights ago where he and three other men were chasing Stanley Tucci. They were some sort of mafia but the reason for the pursuit was unclear. Dave and the other men (who happened to be Christopher Walken, Robert DeNiro and a third unnamed bad-ass) were driving around in a white van, dressed entirely in white, and occasionally pursuing on foot. At one point they were required to jump a fence, which DeNiro did with agility. Dave was scared, so he rolled under it. Walken, naturally, walked through it. I love that, even in dreams, Christopher Walken is god-like.

I sometimes wake from dreams not remembering anything about them, but with some phrase from the dream stuck in my head. If I have enough brain power, I write them down. I found this note scribbled on a piece of paper a few weeks ago:
"At one point someone said 'oh no, I don't like them either, only with much more informed prejudices'. I believe it was Neil Gaiman talking about fantasy novels of the 1960s." I enjoy the idea that Neil Gaiman and I discuss literature in my subconscious.

I often dream about music, or have dreams that involve music, or wake from dreams with some song or other stuck in my head. I recently had a dream where Dave, Jocelyn, Terrell and I were singing the theme for The Magic School Bus, and I was getting very frustrated that they did not know all the words. Upon reflection the next morning, I discovered that I do, in fact, remember all the words to that song. Why?

Last, but by no means least, I shall relate the story of my infamous 'Crazy Dream!'. This happened sometime over the course of the summer of 2008, and has been retold more times than I can count. I don't know if I had a fever that night, or if I ate some bad cheese, or if one of my roommates slipped me some acid, but what resulted was this, in all it's detail:

The dream starts out at school (Syracuse University) – it is the end of sophomore year and we are getting ready to leave for the summer. However, I hadn't been staying at the dorms for a while; I have been renting a room from a weird old man who was actually the father of all the Baldwin brothers. There were photos of all the sons around the house, but Mr. Baldwin was angry with Alec for some reason, so all of the photos of Alec were blocked by vases and boxes and other stuff.

For whatever reason, I was in an end-of-the-year concert at school, and we were playing the suite from Indiana Jones. I wasn’t playing the violin (which I have played since I was 10), however - I was playing this non-existent instrument like an oboe without keys that was 8 feet long. I kept trying to play right into the microphone, and the conductor kept moving the mic away, and then finally someone took my instrument from me.

I was really sad that my boyfriend hadn't gone to the concert, so I went to look for him. On the way, I tried to call him , but my phone told me that he had used up all the power on his phone by watching a football game on it. I met up with Jocelyn who said we needed to take our dirty dishes to the 'cleaning place', so we did. Apparently, though we didn’t have to pay for it, we were encouraged to donate money, and I didn’t have any, so I ran away.

Then I saw my grandparents, and my grandma gave me a hug, but my grandpa didn’t want to talk to me. They said that I could put my stuff into their car, so I went to do that - meanwhile, they looked at stuff Hannah (my sister) had done for graphic design, all of which was Lisa Frank-esque. When I went down to the car, my mom was there and she said that I had a visitor. I was really hoping it was my boyfriend, but it was in fact an old friend of mine. He said he needed to talk to me alone, and my mom got really mad, but I said that I was in love with my boyfriend, and nothing would happen, and that she needed to leave. So she did.

This other guy proceeded to try to kiss me, so I hit him. He said that he only just realized that I had liked him, and that he messed it up, and wanted another chance. I told him it was too late. I tried to put my stuff in the car and he kept trying to kiss me, so I kept running around the car to get away.

I finally saw my boyfriend and ran to give him a hug, and he gave me a hug back. THEN I saw the horse. It looked mostly like a horse, only with really mangy fur and teeth like an alligator. So I said (very loudly) "Is that a horse?!" As soon as it heard me, it ran across the road and jumped the fence and over us. That scared me, so I tried to calm it down, and then it snorted and BREATHED FIRE!!!

So my boyfriend said, matter-of-factly "oh, it's a satanic horse." So we ran in the house which was suddenly there. I told my dad (who was also suddenly there) that there was an evil, fire breathing horse outside, and he got really upset, shouted "you're going crazy and you're not even in Ohio!" and shot himself in the head! So I picked up the gun and tried to kill the horse, but the gun told me that it was out of bullets.

Then a booming voice from on high said "Find the tin cup! Defeat the horse with the tin cup!" but I couldn’t find one. I found a bag of carrots in the fridge when I was looking for the tin cup, and wanted to feed the horse, and my boyfriend started yelling at me to find the cup and I started crying... and then I woke up.

I have no idea what was going on in my brain that night, but I do know that it has lead to one of my favorite inside jokes ever. One needs only to bellow "Defeat the horse with the tin cup!" to get my friends cracking up. I hope this has amused a few more of you as well.

Respond with your own crazy dreams, and sleep tight!

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